Plan B is the new Plan A
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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