Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
