I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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