Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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