I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
