You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
