please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
