So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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