Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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