I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
