awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
