There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
