I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
