Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
