He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the day after is always just damage control
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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