how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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