i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
