I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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