my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
