Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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