he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
