Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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