Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
