They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
