..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Never joke about your clitoris.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
