woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
