Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
