Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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