how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
