OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
