The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
