omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
