Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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