I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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