He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What drink are we having for lunch?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
