I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
