This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
from now on my penis is your penis
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
