So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
