I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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