I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
