Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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