And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
