I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think people are normalizing furries
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
