i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
