I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have fence marks all over my body
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
