We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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