I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
