It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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