cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
