I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
