Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
