Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
