everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
