Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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